friday vent

its friday. i should be out doing something. i should be training for my upcoming confrence next weekend.  i should be playing with my dog. i should be out with friends. i should be alot of things right now. but instead im typing on this blog. why because i need to vent. and frankly, i feel like 2 of my greatest allies just put a dagger in my heart.

how am i going to react to this. well typically, a) id order pizza, cheeseburger and fries, or something like cake.. b) id drink beer, wine, and or liqour and get plastered. but what does doing any of those things solve. nothing. ill feel guilty after. ill feel hungover tomorrow which will prevent my 9:15 worx work out. and ill be pissed at myself.
and something maia typed on fb this morning that has made me think about. nutrition. well honestly its kinda good to know im not the only one who "struggles" with it. because often i feel like everyone else has got it and im slacking . but mainly that i have control of my body. me.. no one else. i control what is going in it. i control my work outs and i control my eating. when i eat clean during the week i feel awesome about it. if i eat crap during the weekends i feel guilty and disappointed about it. so why not choose to feel awesome about my weekend choices to.
i want to change the way i releate to food. i want it to be a fuel for me. not that i cant feel good about eating yummy fuel. but i dont want it to be something that "makes me happy" or "comforts me" when im depressed or sad or whatever. i want it to be something that makes my body happy and helps me tackle my work outs.

well that is pretty much it. sorry for the emo type intoduction lol... but its been a day.