the final day

SIKE. its not the final day of the my journey.. just the final fit test and the final weigh in with "the journey". But oh no my friends, my journey is going strong.
i dont know whats happened. buts these past 60 days has just woken me up from a "fitness slump." its pushed me. made me utter very bad words. drip loads of sweat every class. do push ups, divebombers, planks, etc etc until failure. its pushed me out of a comfort zone that i got into with my work outs before. were they working before, sure but i was bored and only looked forward to when i was with my trainer. now i look forward (even when i dead tired) to the worx because i know after im gonna feel challenged.

this weigh in didnt go as plan. the final weigh in i gained 2 lbs. this is the first time in the 60 days ive pt on any weight. im not sure why. i know i havent been doing as much cardio this week. and pushing more weights. but you know what who cares ??? why because i lost inches !! and that is what matters. smaller in size. the # on the scale matters to a certain extent. BUT what really matters is losing inches, body fat, and toning up. and a lifestyle change !!!
this 2 pound weight gain does take away that ive gone down 1.5 sizes in clothes and 2 notches on my belt. ive lot inches everywhere ! and alot of my clothes are much bigger especially in the legs and the "upper abdomen ". and even my hips and ghetto booty have gone down.

now my on to keeping this journey up. body beast and cardio like 3-4 times a week. (the 4th would be light). time to get some big ass gunz : )

me and my coach last day of the journey aug 2012. Thanks Jenn for everything. seriously. you are a great encourager ,motivator, and definately an inspiration. !! hope to join you on  one of your runs soon !! : )

better late than never.. BLOGS

I kind of forgot to post the due by Sunday blog. So i figured I would write one up now real quick- post measurements/fit test. Fit test went pretty good. ill be honest Mondays work out was HARD. and when i say hard i mean at the end of of all i just wanted to keep laying on my mat. I pushed it  this fit test and at the end of the fit test, i was done. Then i hear okay lets keep going- okay, i think to myself, just a few more. then it keeps going and then okay just a few more, okay  now partner work, oksy now hurdles, now sprints, now abs.. dear god is it almost over... type work out.. i was DONE! but it was the kind of work out i like. i love when i leave there dragging and barely able to move after. i know i worked me ass off.
Measurement and weigh in went well. 2 more lbs off. upper body not much difference in the measuremeant but from the waist down i went down all around. And i the spots where i knew i went down where confirmed. the pants that ive been wearing for every weigh in (try to wear the same ones for the same type of fitting)  are baggie and loose now ! i wore a dress this weekend and it was a size 8!!  oh yea an 8. i had to get rid of one o my belt because all the notches were gone ... oh yea.. so ill take it.
B- my body feels great! through the fit test i feel like i have more endurance.
L- i ve learned i can do things ive never thought i can. i might be tired as hell during a work out or feeling like i cant push anymore. but i can i just gotta dig deep. its in me.
O- like i say every blog. change is hard . but you got to learn to adapt. you cant always be around healthy food or healthy people or a gym but you have to adapt and make the best choices you can. no gym, go outside and run. if you have to pick between a turkey sandwich and a fried something or another pic the turkey sandwich and ditch half or all the bun... make choice.. change is hard. but change can be good.
G- i am celebrating  how great i felt in my outfit this weekend. i had the cutest dress and heels on and i felt hot. i felt good from the inside out. everyone telling me how awesome i looked yea, that was nice.. but it felt good for ME to think damn, i look good
S- small goals.. well i start school next week. work full time and school 3/4 time. its hard. i wont lie... im gonna be tired. im going to need to be even more prepared now and ready to work out and meals planned etc.. goals are to be ready to conquer from the begining to keep everything up and going !!

today im 28!!

usually when my birthday comes around i kinda of just ignore it. im not sure why but after about the age of 21-22 the more life became real. the more i became more of an "adult" i guess.
this year i feel like i have a lot to celebrate.
ive moved in with my boyfriend of now a little over 4 years
ive got my career goals in focus and school goals in gear. life route finally planned.
the job im doing now is something that interests me until i finish school.
im making things happen for myself. im no longer just letting life pass me by.
example. i want to become a body combat instuctor. sept 14-15 i am going to a confrence to get trained on that.
example. i want to help people in a sports / medicine environment- im going to school to become a physical therapist.
example. im sticking to keeping myself health and fit by becoming a part of groups that keep eachother accountable and push one another.
example. i wanna see how far i can go. im sick of holding my self back and im sick of selling myselgf short- im doing the tough mudde in sept and the end of august im doing body beast.

this year on my birthday i worked out. not only did i work out. i went to a 6 am the worx boot camp class. i was proud of myself. during class i was thinking- damn, this is the first year i think ive ever actually worked out on my birthday. im taking this day to do something for me . im getting myself a little healthier and a little closer to my goals.

on that note... im just gonna do this... put it out there... maybe not all ove FB to see. but to the few who actually look at this blog.

i as the maid of honor in my best friends wedding the other weekend... pic below.

here is a pic from a few years back...probably my heaviest point// me in the orange

all this to say... this year. 28. is gonna be the year for me!!!!! nothing is holding me back ever again.
and to those who need some enouragement... LOOK at these pics and the pic all over the worx.. you can do it !!!!!!!!!  hard work. dedication.support. its all you need.

Like Maia always says. you gotta know you WHYS. if you dont know what you are doing something you are just aimlessly doing it and you are going to go far. you are kind of just wondering around in circles...

BLOGS # 7

its BLOGS time. gee the time has passed by. just finished up the half way social. it was fun. and i liked the throwing away the excuses and refocing on the WHYS. i felt all dumb and shaky thats why i volunteered to go so quickly BECAUSE i hate speaking in front of people lol. but it was a good excercise.
it made me think again on my biggest why. my biggest why is because i wanna know how far i can go. there was always an excuse with the old heavier and unhealthy me of why i couldnt do something. why i couldnt go to the gym or why i was going to eat this unhealthy thing. why i couldnt push for one more push up or why i had to to give in to the drinking with my friends. the journey has helped me realize i have alot of potential. i can go far physically. but the only way i can do that is throught making healthy lifestyle choices. eating clean and working out. the why for me is how much further physically can i push myself. for me the next step is straight up weight training.

i read something online about body beast. i need a challenge. im thinking about doing this. this would be something completely OUT of my comfort zone. this is a why for me. how far can i go.

B- my body is feeling great! meds are working awesome. work out wise.. ive had like 3 or 4 people come up to me and tell me my push ups are getting awesome.. so hell yea to that.

L- ive learned that its much easier to do this as a team. when you have people to talk to when im strugling or when i need ideas or accountability.... this lifestyle isnt for everyone.. and the few that are determined enough to take it on sometimes need help- and that is where the team comes in,

O- observations about change... can be good. its hard but can be good. for instance. lately ive been eating all sorts of weird things id never try. like today chai seeds i think they are called... the bomb.

G- small goals... 2 times this week i am going to work out in the morning and in the evening on the same day, pull a flo if you will : )

S- i offically wear a size 9. hells yes. ,,went dress shopping and the 10 ive been is.. its just to beg up top.. had to buy a 9.... YAYAYAY !!!!

so thats it !

B.L.O.G.S. # 6- Perspective

Im doing the BLOGS a day early because tomorrow is gonna be jam packed for me... and I want to stay on schedule with it.
From my posts this week its no suprise this week has been hard for me. physically and mentally. Mentally I could do it physically I could not/ shouldnt have. Guess I need to realize that when Im working out and I feel like im going to pass out or feel like im dizzy etc etc I need to step back. And sometimes... thats ok.
BUT now that thats said- I am feeling SO much better. Im not sure what happened but my body seems to finally have adjusted to my new medication. Im so grateful. It sounds silly but I missed not being able to give 100 percent at each work out. I am still tired as hell, but tired I can do. Seeing stars and up chuck not so much : ) I went to the worx  today and since I have been "working out" this week but not like usual it felt like ive taken a week off. it was TOUGH !! wow. I was drenched in sweat. it was awesome !
B - well i think the above paragraphs somes that up.

L- ive learned that i need to sometimes listen to my body and not be so stubborn. But also ive learned that i have some really supportive team memeber like no joke. ive had a couple good heart to hearts this week and its nice to talk to people who have crazy health problems.. maybe they dont have seizures or migraines lke I do but they have other issues that they themselves have to work through as well.

O- change is getting easier. for instance going out to dinner. always a challenge.. but Ive changed the way I look at it. i dont go out so much for the food but for the company. ... its easier t eat healthy that way !

G- small goals--- my belt! it went down a notch. hells yea. AND speaking of going out to dinner- i pre looked at the menu . found what i was ordering- a steak salad w bleu cheese crispy onion rings and ceaser dressing-- MINUS the crispy onions and the dressing, yes i still go the ccheese. but i prepared and brought my own 2 tbs of light dressing only 50 cals compared to that dressing which would have been easily 300 ( it was lke half a bowl of dressing they gave me on that side).

S- ive decided i am not longer eating red meat during the week and if I do eat it during the weekend it will only be once. i love me some red meat. lean ground beef or lean steak YUM. but i want to start making my proteins as clean as possible. also i am going to start weight training 3 times a week !!

pooped

man im exausted. i have been so tired/ sick this whole week. work outs have been tough ! its only wednesday lol. but everytime ive worked out ive felt like i was going to pass out/ upchuck everywhere/ or just had no energy. i feel like im a pretty fierce competitor in my work outs but felt like ive been in sllllllllllooooow mode.
its been hard because i like to push myself to the max. and when im unable to do that it pisses me off. besides that ive been having to FORCE myself to eat. everyones dream right, no appetite ? well it would be mine but not when im training hard. it makes me have to energy. i went to work out with my trainer tonight and about 1/3 into it she was straight up like "what the f*** is wrong with you".   i was on slow mo / weak as hell.  it sucked. i dont like being called out for doing shitty.
hopefully by the end of this week my body will adjust and ill be back to normal !!!!

B.L.O.G.S. #5

okay time for the weekly blog. first a summary. it started with the weigh in. lbs dropped 3. inches lost in most everyplace except my ass i think ( but lord knows thats gonna take a miracle to shrink ; ) . bmi the same. body fat percentage up by like .5 percent. wtf, right ? like wtf ? however im trying not to dwell on it and may just incorporate more strength training. im not sure.
truth. i bough a scale. truth. i weighed myself today and according to my scale im down in weight. but the best thing is i went to my parents this on saturday after the worx and they kept telling me how skinny i looked. i was like, really ? i jut saw you all like a month ago. i was like i mean i lost 8 lbs.. and apparently that was a big deal. so that makes me happy. but i really want boody fat percentage to go lower bc in this stage of MY journey that is what my focus in on.
emotionally the last half of this week has been HARD, started off wed when i had one of the worst migraines that ive had in months. i also suffer from seizures- and most of the time they are stemmed from extremely bad migraines (for me)- so my neurologist had me come in thursday on an emergency basis. new meds. crazy side effects . but we'll see how they work. then friday rolled around and from my previous emo like post i had some serious drama happen. im still in recovery from that.. trying to push throug it. good news. i did not use food to make me feel better. : )
B-  my body seems to be getting smaller. which im a fan. my bras are getting bigger. -_-.  lol... my body feels good. minus my head which has been in constant pain past few days. but he fit test... felt great !
L- ive learned that i control how i deal with things. i contol if i use the food as a fuel or an emotional tool. and ive leanred i can do it. i can say no to the things that are bad and stick to my pre made , pre planned, pre calculated meals .
O- everday, everything is changing. it can go from one thing to a total different thing in a instant. its how i deal with it i can control
G- i know ive said it a lot but its something in my personal struggles.... i chose not to use food as soemthing to make me feel better.and this weekend i did great too !
S- next week thurs - sunday   i have a confrence type thing. my goal is to pass it !

friday vent

its friday. i should be out doing something. i should be training for my upcoming confrence next weekend.  i should be playing with my dog. i should be out with friends. i should be alot of things right now. but instead im typing on this blog. why because i need to vent. and frankly, i feel like 2 of my greatest allies just put a dagger in my heart.

how am i going to react to this. well typically, a) id order pizza, cheeseburger and fries, or something like cake.. b) id drink beer, wine, and or liqour and get plastered. but what does doing any of those things solve. nothing. ill feel guilty after. ill feel hungover tomorrow which will prevent my 9:15 worx work out. and ill be pissed at myself.
and something maia typed on fb this morning that has made me think about. nutrition. well honestly its kinda good to know im not the only one who "struggles" with it. because often i feel like everyone else has got it and im slacking . but mainly that i have control of my body. me.. no one else. i control what is going in it. i control my work outs and i control my eating. when i eat clean during the week i feel awesome about it. if i eat crap during the weekends i feel guilty and disappointed about it. so why not choose to feel awesome about my weekend choices to.
i want to change the way i releate to food. i want it to be a fuel for me. not that i cant feel good about eating yummy fuel. but i dont want it to be something that "makes me happy" or "comforts me" when im depressed or sad or whatever. i want it to be something that makes my body happy and helps me tackle my work outs.

well that is pretty much it. sorry for the emo type intoduction lol... but its been a day.

B.L.O.G.S. # 4

whoops. forgot to do this last night..
this week has been pretty good I'd say. the weekend flew bye. i remeber waking up and 530 am saturday and going to bed last night and thats about all. it was jam packed busy.
today is the weigh in. as tempting as it would be to not eat or drink all day to ensure a "lower" number.... i wont do  it ; ) i dont really expect to much of a loss on the number weight wise today. not because i havent been eating clean but mainly because its that time of the month and for me, i can put on anywhere between 3 to 7 lbs of just straight up water weight.. it sucks.. so im hoping more to kick butt on the fitness test.
B- my body is feeling good. i only worked out 5 times this week.. one of the days was a 2 a day.. but it still slacking for me. but with the new dog ive been having to get up early every morning and walk her. and at night to. so an extra 20 minutes x 2 a day certainly cant hurt. also one morning i took her running,,, that was fun
L- i have learned that i really can do it. i generally enjoy fitness but there are times where i am draggin ass after work and making myself come to the work outs.. but when i see my  team, my coach, the other coaches, etc pushing themselves it energizes me to push. and to push hard.
O- .... ?
G- i went running for the first time the other day. i though at first i would die... but i really notice my endurance levels and ability to breath have really improved since being with the worx. that was awesome !
S- small goals for the week-- i wanna try some sort o yoga class this week... i need to work on my balance issues !!!

well thats about it !

B.L.O.G.S.# 3-------- some real talk

this BLOGS is gonna be more "real talk" i think. mainly because this week has been hard. i do this thing.. where i start to see results. then more or less self sabatoge. im not sure if its subconciously or what. but i just do it. i think thats why i cant ever get past that certain number  on the scale. ill start losing and then all the sudden i think its ok to not be as strict on eating or maybe i just do it because im afraid of actually accomplishing my goal weight. i know that sounds weird. but its true. whats it gonna be like to actually get down to around 145. its been easy just being at my current weight (plus or minus 5 lbs depending on my eating for the week) for the past 6 months . working out isnt the problem.. its nutrition and self sabatoge and guilt. now im not saying that i went ape shit with eating but i think being out of town thursday and friday ( friday with a delayed flight home for 3 hours !!) was difficult. i wasnt around food i have been around . i tried to make the best chioces i could but some where not all that healthy. also i experienced my first "cheat meal " since being on the journey friday night for dinner.... chicage style pizza. and damn it was good. but i felt so guilty after it made it hard on friday to eat right the rest of the day.......

so here its is

B- my body is tired. my knees are killing me !! i dont know why but my joint just ache , i think partially from being cooped up on the plane. a literal 3 hour delay friday. BUT i do feel stronger. i think im getting better on the push ups !
L- ive learned this week that if i mess up once (Even with a planned cheat meal) i really mentally shut down. i dont know why. im still trying to figure that out. i think its because im a perfectionist by nature and hate failure.
O- obervations about change..... its hard for me to adapt. when i went to chicago its freaked me the f*** out food wise. i brought healthy snacks thank god !! but id like not eat because i was to afraid of what they had prepared.
G- well i did make smart decisions in bringing healthy snack options; almonds and apples... which was a step !
S- my goals are to reset and refocus. okay i may have not been "perfect" fri or sat BUT i need to learn and move on. i cant keep dwelling on it. reset and refocus. reset and refocus.

so i guess thats it. i got to figure out why i self sabatoge. or like shut down. but im an all or nothing person. either balls to the wall all in or nothing. so if i mess up a little i just like messes me up. blah.

the monday blues... not really

usually i dont do to many postings on mondays since i do a pretty long one on sundays, but tonight im inspired. i had a really good night at the worx tonight. both physically and mentally.
not only have i lost weight on the scale.. but i lost inches too ! yay. : )  makes me proud on passing up certain food and alcohol. and makes me proud bustng my butt on these work outs. just gotta reset and refocus so i can keep going strong.

i guess i was mainly inspired tonight because it was awesome having such a huge class ! i loved looking around and seeing everyone doing their best. i dont know i had a lot of energy for class tonight. i was ready to work it. i felt like i did much better on the fit test than the first time. and felt inpowered.

i just think that tonight was great !

B.L.O.G.S. # 2

well i guess its the end of the 2nd week. what a week its been ! temptation got extra real this weekend. but i do have to say that i can honestly say i stayed strong and remembered my goals.
emotionally this week has been tough as well. besides some medical things i got going on right now, ive had some serious emotionally draining things happen as well. and to me emotions and food have always gone together. i eat to celebrate things, i eat when im sad or lonely, i eat when im depressed, etc.... so its been a good challenge for me this week not to associate emotions with food . for instance, i told myself if i stuck to my diet i would be allowed to go buy a new cute dress instead of like in the past i would tell myself since i did such a good job i can eat that (fill in the blank, usually involving chocolate).... and i did get my cute dress : )
on with the questions-

B - How does your body feel?
my body feels like its getting stronger and better at the worxs. everytime a work out comes during it i sometimes feel like im gonna die (lol), but then come out of it feeling good and strong. my body is a little tired though from all the working out. i worked out 6 times this week- 2 on my own and 4 at the worx. todays worx was the toughest all this week for me . at one point i just wanted to lay on the floor in a pool of my blood sweat and tears but i dug deep and kept going !
L - What have you learned about you? your coach? your team?
my team push and coach push me. sometimes i want to go slower or take a break or whatever, but i look around and see everyone kicking ass... and it keeps me going. i feel proud of  us. without my coach and team it would be hard to keep going. i guess ive always known im competative but at these classes i definately feel it come out. even if i can barely move i wanna be the best and do my best...
O - What observations can you make about change?
change can be good. this is the first week where instead of resisting it i just went full into it. it being the worx. one of my goals was to be move involved on facebook and what not... and i have. embrace the change. dont fight it.
G- What small goals can you celebrate?
i made it through parties and holidays with making wise food choices !!!

S - Set your week's goals and plan you week!
this weeks goals....... i have to go out of town on a business trip thursday and friday. need to prepare for that !! and need to make  sure at least one of those days i get a work out in !!!

so i guess thats it. im deathly afraid of tomorrows weigh in/ measurements..... im hoping to see some results from my hard work !!

B.L.O.G.S. # 1

okay so week number one went by super fast. i guess i have a hundred different thoughts strolling through my head right now reagarding the week but im going to super summarize it.

B - How does your body feel?
My body feels good honestly. I worked out 5 times this week, only three at the worx : (. my plan for the 4 the work out at boot camp today was put on hold when i had to go meet the insurance guy for my parents house that ended up with 2 trees falling through it from the storm ( they are aon vacation). I worked out four days in a row (mon- thurs) so by the time friday came, my body needed a break. thursdays work out at the worx about killed me.
I started the shakeology thing this week- 1 shake for breakfast. i didnt really get all the hype but i love it. the first few days definately uhh.. cleansed me. but i feel alot less bloated which is pretty nice.
L - What have you learned about you? your coach? your team? 
Learn about myself? hmmm... i still have tons to learn ! it sounds weird but i guess since ive been working on weight loss for so long (ie. past couple years with the 115 lb loss)-- sometimes i forget how much i can still learn. all the blogs about different food ideas really has been waaay helpful ! because i knw i get sick of chicken breast every night ! i have also learned that my sweet tooth is still a problem. got find a way to get rid of that .  learned about my coach ? she runs... AlOT. i think she (Jenn)- did 9 miles the other day !  she seems like she really cares, and is here to push, in a good way : ). my team ? im not sure if you mean everyone in the journey but ill go with that.  they all seem motivated. ive made a couple friends - shout out to amber and linda. -- and the other girl who is on the right side with us. but each of them always push themselves during the work out. and come tired as hell after work - which i usually am. and i love it because it makes me realize everyone is tired but still working towards their goals.
O - What observations can you make about change?
change is hard. im use to going to golds and pushing it out in classes and on the tred mill or on the weights.. going to boot camp instead is hard for me because its outside my bubble. also little things like blogging and facebooking recipes and things like that--- are so NOT me. i have to get better at that.
G- What small goals can you celebrate?
small goal.... hmmmmm. sounds dumb but i bought i bathing suite on friday night. and didnt want to shoot myself after. i figure if its like that now, after ive kicked my last 20 lbs or so will be really happy. so it motivated me a little to keep going : )
S - Set your week's goals and plan you week!
next week main goals- hit the workx 4 times, make sure i post my 5th or 6th work out on the fb, be more involved on the fb, for the 4th of july--- no alcohol !!( thats gonna be hard !) .
my plan is to prepare, prepare, and prepare my meals for the weeek ! like everyone always mentions that definately is the different between failure and success !!

sorry this was such a book !

day 1 complete !

day one complete. honestly, i would have to say it was pretty successful. ate clean and had a good work out at the worx tonight. even tried a shakeology for dinner... actually pretty tasty.
finally met some of you that im already "friends" with on facebook.. nice to put a face to the page : )

i do have to say i HATE weigh ins . take my measurements any time. but weigh ins are the worst. they make me a little depressed. but i do need to remember its time to break this plateu of mine.. and with the help of the journey, my awesome coach, and my teamates i think i got this !

pre journey thoughts

so here i am contimplating even what to write on this blog. the idea of sharing everything with essentially a group full of strangers is a little... nerve wrecking.  but here i go guess its time to drop everything that is comfortable and embrace what is different.
this journey in someways is more of a continuation of a journey i am already on.it has come at the perfect time when i am needing it the most. moving to this area a couple months ago i lost my whole support system, my exercise routine, my trainer, my friends- and am still struggling to really find my "work out nitch." long story short ive lost give or take 115 lbs through exercise and diet and am really working on packing on lean muscle and losing fat. concentrating more on fat loss than weight loss. i am hoping that i truly stick to the worx journey and that i see results.
im excited to have accountability and someone to push me. and in the same way to make friends who enjoy working out and pushing themselves.