week # 3. sweet release.

when i decided to do to "redo". i knew i wanted to do it. i knew i was ready to make a change. to fight for something ive lost. and i was determined to do it. no matter what baggage i was holding onto. it just didn't matter anymore. this is definitely a battle of getting my health and fitness back as well as just fight to get me back. at the mixer we did this exercise where we just had to throw everything in the past, everything holding us back behind. we had to really think about it. and really focus and just realize what we were letting determine on what was getting in the way. and then we had to just throw it out. and honestly it felt like 100 lbs just lifted. it really helped make the fire burn even more under my ass. and then picturing where we could be (where we will be). it was just a great bonding experience i think to everyone who was  there !

b- my body i think is definitely changing. my upper body strength is getting much better. i am able to last longer on the push ups. and my endurance level is definitely higher . yay!.

l- read above. : )  PLUS ive learned a lot about some fellow journeyers lately, where people have come from and why they are here. everyone has there story. and sometimes there is something about just hearing why people are here and connecting with them- that really brings people together and gives you and new even more found respect to where they are at.

o- my o yea moment  was releasing the bullshit that has held me back. like really. and also i am having some problems dropping weight on the scale (medicine issues)- but i mean, yes its discouraging but like since being back on the journey, consistently working out,  being back with the community; it hasn't  defined me. i don't know if that makes sense  because this is the best ive felt in a while .. its actually made me more determined to try and beat that : )

g- my goals this week:  attend one yoga class. (yikes.)

tigers,bears,and seizures, oh my.

this week was a  freaking disaster  .... challenge.
after the work out monday i was feeling on fire. later that night i started feeling a little funny. went to bed, woke up ready for P90x with the ladies but i couldnt get out of bed. so i fortified the work out and dragged ass to work. early in the morning i was talking to my boss still feeling weird and funny, and all the sudden , apparently i had a grand mal seizure. i dont remember to much of it. apparently i started rambling and mumbling and slurring words, and then it happened. LUCKILY. i work with a neurologist (not the one i see on the regular).. so he knew what to do.
but i went to the ER and got an MRI bc its been a year since i had one. kinda put me in a depressed state bc the neurologist i see was working on lowering my meds bc i have been doing well..and they give me some crappy side effects, etc. but i wasnt allowed to do any cardio until i had another MRI done and go the clear Saturday AM. and no boot camp (bc of the intensity of it) until monday. so i got pretty bummed out .
but im all clear now ! i have to increase my meds again (yuck), but oh well. i played a whole lot of soccer yesterday, did a 5 k today, and went to boot camp today too ( a day early , but took it easy).

b- my legs are sore as hell from all the running from the soccer and the 5 k this morning. but getting back into the soccer has really motivated me to get back into the running to build up the cardio i need t keep up with them boys !

l- ive learned sometimes i do have to listen to my body. i hate sitting on the side lines. i like to push hard. but even on thursday when i did p90x with sarah and nina and told them i was thinking of doing boot camp despite what the dr said they were just like.. uh.. are you serious.. lol.. sometimes i just need to trust my body...  so i can come back stronger

o- truthfully, i didnt really have an o yea moment this week :  / . i feel like since i was so depressed i let everything kinda slip. nutrition too.. it was tough week. my o yea moment was kinda opposite. like i need to stop sabotaging myself.. so maybe i did ?

g- my goals this week are to refocus myself. i started out right i think.. by working out sat and doing a double today....

i wanna shout out to danielle. we did the run today and it was awesome. those speed demons in front us lol... but we finished : ) and also to nina , the coach. bc she always pushes me to do other things, like p90x at 530 am and 5ks on sundays at 830 am.... she is a great motivator and she should know that : )

motivated. - intrinsic

okay on to week 2 i think.. right?

all i know is week 1 is done. and i feel great. i havent worked out this much in a long time. and my body misses it.  it was hurting .. god it was hurting. but that hurt that you knows feels good. the one that at the end of the day, i know i accomplished something. so yea, that love hate relationship with that soreness. actually it was more like pain. but pain is gain ?
i can already tell its a different motivation this go around. there is definitely a difference between intrinsic motivation and extrinsic motivation. and hell, i may not even got it 100 percent narrowed down but i know i have that fire in me this time. im actually self motivated.  dont get me wrong. i definitely need the extrinsic motivation pushing me right now too- but this time im am fighting for me. and it feels good.

b- just finished one of erinne's work out. my arms, shoulders hurts. my abs are  in pain. but it feels good. i feel like im aleady a little stronger. from day one to day 7.

l- read above for what i learned. ha. no, seriously. i am learning alot about myself. sometimes, well all the time. i sell myself short.. i need to stop doing that.

o- my o yea moment. god. it was st patty weekend. i love alcohol. yes. i do. i love Irish car bombs. i love knowing the owner at sullivans. i love when my good friends keeps buying me shots. but i also love the fact that i purposely drove us so i would be designated driver. and just watched her take all those shots and drinks. it was painful. god it was painful.  but i was proud. and ill be honest a little sad. but hell, its 60 days. to cleanse the shit ive put in my body.

g- my goals this week are to eat more vegetables. and to eat more. a.) im lazy. i would rather drink about 5 shakeologys a day. which actually i think has all my vegetable servings in them ? b) i could live off eggs. and fruit. its hard to cook for just one. im lazy in that way.  so the easiest way for me to eat them is just straight up buying bags of spinach and throwing chicken on top and just eating it. i cant get all fancy like some of you ladies : )

i think everyone has been super inspiring in their own ways on the postings ! ive been slacking past few days...  but way to go team !!!!! but it was nice meeting stephanie  at friday night boot camp !!

New Journey. New Me.

this is what i like to call my journey. the re do.  new outlook. new start. fresh start. fresh me.
i guess im done with holding myself back in a lot of ways. i had a good talk yesterday with a fellow journeyWOMAN. and we both kinda just put it on the table.
yea, shit gets hard. last year and honestly this year has been incredibly hard for me. and emotionally still going through things.. but im done letting it hold me back. im ready to get my health back. and get myself back.
easier said than done sometimes- of course. but here i go- got my journey team and we are going to rock this.


b- my body after the first couple days- i wont even lie. its already sore. i didnt realize how hard todays core worx out was until i went to do something and was like damn, why is my core so sore... oh right. forgot.
the fit test; ha. that was embarrassing . some parts were good, others were embarrassing. i was like what the hell. but i figure i can only go up from here

l- it was kinda funny. i KNOW everything about nutrition. honestly. i could of stood up there and taught that thing. but applying it is a whole other thing. do i eat every 2-3 hours. no. i guess i forget. food is fuel. how will i be able to conquer things like the fitness test if i dont rebuild my muscles. i sometimes have this problem, i wont eat bad. ill eat healthy as hell but like ill drink a shakeology for breakfast then literally wont eat anything all day until 9 or 10 pm when i get home- ill eat like another shakeology or a piece of chicken with veggies. etc.  so i need to remember to eat. food is fuel.

o- hmmm well its only been a couple days... my o yea moment was when i went out with friends numerous times and passed on drinking alcohol. because ive made a commitment. no alcohol during this whole journey. which is huge for me. and the weekends are the times i would more than likely drink.. even after working out .and eating healthy. so cheers (to water)

g- goals this week- i would like to up my p90x more than a couple times a week. maybe 4x. which means waking up earlier. also stick to my paleo nutrition plan.

inspiration- kathy really inspired me a lot past couple days :  ) we got to have some good talks. and danielle because she is always so damn cheery and positive.. and like that : )